Refactoring the components of Life
Humans, subjected to sufficient anxiety and suffering (physical or psychological), polymorph into canines. A spongeblob of semigelatinous pulsating ritz remain behind; samosas, also used in eunuch assembly. Dogs, when subjected to sufficient anxiety and suffering, polymorph into felines. Felines, when subjected to sufficient anxiety and suffering, polymorph into birds. When the suffering goes from dogs to cats to tweety birds that is when the monks began to wear ritz purses and the concept of a sexually functional eunuch is brought to mind.
One of the most well practiced methods for encouraging the polymorph process is sushi rolling. In the Hebrew based scripture the beginning of the technique begins with wounding the quail. The motionless subject is grazed open along the ribs, torn open in long stripes using implements which resemble tiny ripping claws. If the subject is no longer motionless then necessary steps must be taken to reestablish the motionless form. With the freshly wounded quail stripes open the practitioner forms the "brass knuckle" position with their fingers and then washboard scrubs the open wounded ribs in tiny frenetic motions. Proper application of the technique, one of myriads of known paths, initiates the polymorph session.
The trees remain much more skilled at creating the situation of holding a human in place, scrubbing it with new foliage growth, or waiting until some other passing animal assists with various methodologies for deconstructing a human.
The thought has been that all green eggs and ham prone humans should be born with their lips sewn to their dogs; if they love the money that much. This was actually tried, back in Sodom and Gomorrah. The projected course of life (vocations and avocations) of such a creature is unclear from popularly available scripture but, upon the completion of the route of mutilated suffering and anxiety, the subject will polymorph into a horse. The horse's head is what remains of the dog section, the horses body is what remains of the human. Thus is explained the footnote in the bible that Father Abram had no camels; what, like the model line wasn't yet available? There weren't any camels walking around yet? Evolution hadn't quite reached it? Well, in a macabre fashion, that's exactly the explanation. The experiments which resulted in horses did not take place until the extreme end of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Sewing an eunuch to the moneymaker does not produce the same results. Eunuchs are already running at a logarithmically lower level of hit points due to the eunuch process. The polymorphism of an eunuch with a dog is a seahorse with a significantly larger mass of samosa spongeblob ritz. The polymorphism to a seahorse leads to some folklore that god is in the seahorse. Keep working on stretching out the spine because the added hand left behind significant injury.