Roll your own

Accounting Department

The regimentation of the land poses a much more significant segment of the history of planetary life than what is commonly granted by popular media and education. There was a time when the trees were much taller and, without delving into an argument (because pop media and education has a large structure built on space exploration), all the way to the domed ceiling of the sky. There was a time when human beings lived longer than seventy or eighty years. There was a time before even ceramics. There was a time when nearly everything was made from fabric and "bulletproof" indicated how many times over a section had been sewn. There was a time before even thread; available material was more like twisted twine. There was a time before that, a time of baskets and weaving, and tunics. There was a time before that, when there weren't even baskets, and the humans in operation were devoted to a life carefully collecting freely dropped leaves and wood and meticulously lining and stacking and pressing everything into briquettes. There was a time when human beings did not have fire on demand.

At the time when humans were dutifully collecting and pressing leaves the overall life of any average human was mostly stable. People did not age and go to hell on a regular basis. As the humans press the paper and regiment the land they do not immediately find the gates to hell. The people find the pits of grape juice, as grapes practically ferment themselves. Those defective humans which devote themselves to remaining in the grape juice begin taking extracurricular interest in animals; also something which the dutiful paper pressers had no real interest in except as artistic points of interest. When the drunks begin following the animals they disappear out of sight and out of mind; and as the social systems of drunks go, those remaining "were trying to get rid of that one anyway", because that is a root level psychology of drunks (nothing is fun forever when drunk, everything gets old and boring eventually). The drunks, however, do not die out; they continue to follow animals to hell while the paper pressers go on making paper briquettes and progressing towards baskets, tunics, recycled tunics into heavier baskets or twine, and over generations maybe towards thread. Not until all of those overlapping evolutions bring forth threaded tunics, and spindle sticks to quickly zip yards of thread at a time, do any of the humans, paper pressers or drunks, have fire on demand.

Long before humans have fire on demand, at a time when fire was highly coveted, carefully guarded, and the supply of pressed paper briquettes closely controlled to prevent the fire from going out, the drunks made the weight of their numbers known. The land was being regimented and, pointing to the paper pressers as their oppressors, the drunks insisted that they had a right to remain exactly where they were (in reaching distance of the grape juice pit) and that people should bring their daily deserved portions of food, baskets, or other products of the civilazation, directly to them. Theoretically the drunks should have been disregarded but the drunks, as a culture, had been following animals to hell, and various distances of the routes in various portions, for a long time. The drunks used their exploratory knowledge to slowly and methodically hedge the regimentation crew (initially insisting that only freely dropped material was to be taken from the land) and the paper pressers (initially insisting that only freely dropped material was to be taken from the land), into running the routes that they know, to allow the drunks to remain close to the grape juice pits. The drunks know the routes to hell. Regardless of their intent, good or evil, the routes which the drunks knew, from following the animals, were the routes to hell. Those were the routes which the drunks began demanding that everybody else walk on to bring to them their fairly deserved portions of whatever products of the society as a whole.

The society at that time, even primitive in manufactured products, was very advanced in social heirarchy and interaction and was also very advanced in art and architecture even working with only freely available material. They participated in galas and parties and maintained great halls of carefully nudged and shaped (not groomed and chopped) trees. Their living areas were clean, swept, cared for and tended. Maintenance work was not shoddy or behind. Toilet facilities were proper and intact. The people were not animals; except for the drunks.

The regimentation of the land produced further argument between the paper pressers and the drunks. The drunks were demanding, as drunks are, for delivery times and quantities. The paper pressers made attempts to teach the drunks the realities of the world (good luck working with any person escaping reality through their drink), telling them of times and seasons and the task of pressing paper to make the briquettes. The drunks paid no mind, as drunks are given to do. The drunks close their ears and cover their eyes and wait for their time to respond and make claims and demands.

The solution to the timely problem of collecting leaves and pressing paper was brought forth by the drunks. The drunks had been following animals to hell for a long time. In particular, and logically the first "same thing" style attention attraction, were the primates. Monkies of all shapes and sizes and variants. The drunks, having followed the primate animals to hell for generations spanning thousands of years already, caught and trapped the monkies and other primates and restrained them in place to teach them to press paper. In that fashion, in the mind of a drunk, the paper pressers can go collect the leaves, the monkies can press them, and the drunks can drink.

At that time the concept of "gumbies" was much more popularly known. The real method for nature's procreation wasn't a long lost secret in a world of surgically created eunuchs. The monkies taught to press paper were known to "roll their own". Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Why not? He'll get pressed with the paper, rolled up, and fired in the kiln (even at a time before fire on demand).

Monkies pressing paper leads to monkies mummifying monkies. Monkies mummifying monkies leads drunks to think that's funny. Enter into the mummified monkey system, some of the drunks taking their revenge on the primates for their long ago stories of people being led to hell by those evil primates. This is a time when the paper pressers may have mummified a baby, usually because they were interrupted in their paper pressing duties by the drunks ringing the doorbell and begging, if nothing else, for a new fire because they were drunk and allowed their own to extinguish. If the paper pressers deny the drunks then the drunks make a practice of willingly breaking down the land; not regimenting the freely dropped material resources but deliberatey pulling and hacking and dragging at the life for the things they, in their drunkenness, "need". This sort of antagonization eventually degenerates into a society of action and reaction, stupidity and retaliation, and soon enough the society of humans folds into a system of the drunks progressively bothering and chasing everybody into hell. In one form or another even those of lineages and duties which were at one time true are now, through the passing of time over their life, becoming involved in drinking (to relax, because they deserve it, etc.) or developing a hatred for a particular animal and becoming so wrapped up in their crusade that they follow it to hell. The land at this time is yet built on top of the foliage layer with perhaps scant few routes known to find a hard flat rocky, sandy, or dirt surface.

No longer are the living beings, the top of the food chain, known as "atfire-smoked und ice-fastened clay" but they have become "iehu-mans", beings of hate and anger. The life of the human is not only regimenting the land but actively cutting and burning it down. The drunks need to keep their fires up, and they never learned how to tend fire with briquettes in balance with the resources around them, the soldiers working ni the regimenting wish to have field fires, all people become enamored with funeral pyres for their stories and fallen comrades—and human bodies are enormous layers upon layers of wet and soggy acrylate material, and the paper pressers are accustomed, due to their meticulous religious observances, of never suffering want for any comfort of life. Whether in the subsociety of drunks, soldiers, or paper pressers, the reality of life has become accepted as accumulating aging and choosing some route to hell.

The final evolution, relevant to mummification, is that the paper pressers take on a purportedly righteous method to preserve the "way things were" and develop a scale of committed sins. The money being earned from the gates of hell by the drunks (making money is like drawing water: spend all day priming the pump to feed the phaeries or go straight to the bottom of the well and beg from the gates of hell on the carrot stick, green eggs and ham), along with all of the perceived stupidities and interruptions and disturbances caused by the drunks keeping armies of paper pressing monkeys and hordes of human soldiers hacking and destroying the land, is calculated and calibrated to the number of both rolled mummified monkeys over the course of the year and the number of rolled and mummified humans over the course of the year. Significant progression of time wears out the supply of monkeys but not the system of tracking the perceived sins to be counted and the passover lamb as a landmark tally becomes "the way things are done", so much so that should there be fewer mummified babies this year then the requisite number will be deliberately created.

130221 SAB

Usually I shun all frivolous add-ons and background network activity but, for the first time ever, the AJAX system underneath the wikidot front-end has saved this page from loss when the system unexpectedly rebooted.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License